Bikkur Cholim

Bikkur Cholim is a mitzvah; but it is also a thoroughly practical task. There are very practical guidelines that can help Bikkur Cholim volunteer visitors new to the mitzvah learn to perform it comfortably.

What to do When Visiting the Sick

  • Call before you visit; don't just show up.
  • Schedule your visit carefully. It is best not to visit very early or very late in the day.
  • Respect hospital visiting hours and time the visit accordingly.
  • Remember that convalescents need visits at home, particularly if their recovery is slow or their illness chronic.
  • Find out if there is anything you should bring with you.
  • Let the ill person lead the conversation; listen carefully to what is being said, and respond appropriately. This benefits not only the patient but you as well, because it allows you to disregard your own anxieties.
  • Figure out if you can be of any tangible help to the patient or the family.
  • Try to keep your visits short; if the sick person is tiring, leave.
  • Bring a psalm, a poem, or a prayer to be said at the end of your visit. In fact, according to Jewish tradition, a visit is considered to count only when the visitor has prayed for the patient. (The prayer is likely to be a MiSheberach, a plea to God for healing. Tehillim, or psalms, are traditionally chanted by or on behalf of people who are ill.) If the ill person is comfortable being prayed for, you should do it in the sickroom; if not, it should be done silently or out of earshot.

What Not to do When Visiting the Sick

  • Don't bring up the sick person's illness or talk about someone else's similar illness.
  • Don't allow the person you are visiting to feel the need to provide you with entertainment.
  • Listen carefully to the sick person; be sure that the conversation is about what he or she wants to discuss, not what you want to talk about.
  • Remember that easy answers and pat assurances aren't helpful. Say, "I'm sorry that you feel bad" rather than "It will be okay."
  • Don't be afraid of silence. When no one is talking, the significance of your presence can ring loud and clear.
  • Don't be afraid to laugh or to tell a joke. "Laughter is the best medicine" is a cliché embedded in the truth of experience.
  • Don't argue theology, ascribe causes to illness, or dismiss discussions of causes ascribed to illness.
  • Don't comment on the sick person's apartment or sit on the bed. Sit at a comfortable distance, where the person who is sick can see and speak to you easily.

Concluding Thoughts

  • The mitzvah of Bikkur Cholim cannot be defined by lists or bounded by rules, no matter how important the lists or sensible the rules. By bringing company, comfort, and practical help to people whose needs are clear, we help ourselves as well.
  • When we lighten other people's burdens, we bring light into dark corners; by facing our own fears about sickness and death we grow in strength and courage. Through small actions, through doing for someone else the chores that make up daily life, through helping one person at a time, we strengthen the web that ties us together as a community.
  • Similarly, although it is often difficult to ask for help, particularly when we feel weakened and made vulnerable by illness, our tradition tells us that it is as great a mitzvah to reach out for help as it is to give it.
  • If at any time you need the services of the Bikkur Cholim Committee, we hope that you will put aside your fears about burdening others, and give us the chance to make things easier for you. The Bikkur Cholim Committee welcomes volunteers, and we also welcome information about people who are ill and who would like to be called or visited.